Ashley, Creator and Contributor of Brown Girl Love, talks about making to time to write her novel
I started working at a non-profit in January, three chapters from completing my first novel. The mounting pressures of both my parents, my student loans and this idea of what legitimate adulthood looks like led me to the full-time job of Program Coordinating. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I work for a creative writing mentorship organization that pairs professional woman writers with high school girls working toward careers as writers. It’s a brilliant fit. I spend my day looking over the applications of accomplished novelists, reading angst-y and eloquent poems, book excerpts and screenplays by budding teenagers and sorting submissions for upcoming publications and readings. As a writer, it’s refreshing to work with a diverse group of female literary artists. The ever so glamorous world of non-profit orgs is most definitely giving me the skills to build the business of Brown Girl Love. In between all this rewarding work and skill building lies an unfinished manuscript on coming out queer, married to a woman, and *polyamorous. The book is also my coming out as an erotic writer, it’s chapters flooded with explicit sex scenes with men, woman and other gender variant folks. So here’s my dilemma. Working at a youth organization makes me nervous about writing erotica under my given name so I write under a pseudonym. Even if I claimed my real name underneath graphic descriptions of blow jobs and strap-on sex, with a demanding full time job I am fighting for time to finish my memoir. I’m already ten messages deep in an email thread to my immediate supervisor trying to determine when I will ever have time to take off work, sit down and write the last three chapters. I know I’m luckier then most. First off, I have a reliable paycheck which not everyone can say in this continually shitty economy. Second, I have a literary agent waiting for my first draft and even though there are times when I doubt my queer ass memoir will be picked up by a mainstream publishing house, I have a great community of self-published writers, independent presses and admired novelists who are ready for my work. As always, the only person who is standing in my way is myself. I can’t seem to shake this crazy idea that writing cannot be a career, that I cannot possibly feed myself, pay my bills and have extras for necessities by writing books. It’s like some disgruntled adult from my past laughed, shock their head at my naivete and reminded me that writing is an art and art never makes any money, at least not enough to live by, so I better get my head in the game and get a real job. But day after day, I read mentor applications and marvel at the current employment status’. Occupation: Writer, Novelist, Blogger, Journalist Company: Self All evidence concludes that being a writer is a full-time job and the “disgruntled adult” that has dominion over what a real job is and what is only a passionate hobby is simply my skewed images of adulthood. This idea of adulthood is constructed by ideas of the all American worker, a quiet yet studious contributor to a chaotic society. Combined with my parent’s idea of adulthood which consists exclusively of financial independence and full-time employment, there is little to no room for creativity. Inside my pretty little head, adulthood means shuffling and surviving like everyone else and if I’m having any fun doing it, I must be on vacation mindlessly indulging in my passions. I realize that I am no different then the girls I serve. Just like them, I was a young writer whose only dream job was to write, produce books, led workshops and read prose poetry in any city with the willingness to hear my voice. I was dying for someone to tell me what being a writer looked like, how it felt and how it functioned in everyday life. Just like them, I was a writer before I was ever an adult and I am starting to understand that no one can tell me what adulthood is suppose to look like. It is my job to create what it looks like. It’s my job to continue to define growing up, coming out and writing books that make a difference in the communities I love. I’m not planning on leaving my day job anytime soon but I won’t loose sight of my five year plan. Over emails, meetings, paperwork and phone calls, I will continue to daydream about combining my name with my pseudonym to write gender queer smut, creating Brown Girl Love Press – an independent publishing house and being the full-time fully paid writer I know myself to be. And in the meantime, I’ll be carving out time to finish my debut novel. (*if you are interested in learning about polyamory, read my article “Partnered Polyamory: One Woman’s Journey To Defining Self & Love on Her Own Terms” featured on Elixher.com)
blkcowrie ☥
May 5, 2012 at 4:10 am
Reblogged this on blkcowrie ☥.
Randi Martin-Lee
July 30, 2012 at 5:37 am
As always, a pleasure reading you cousin! I am very much looking forward to reading your debut novel… once you finish it. Lol! Happy writing!